Amanda and I have gotten the privilege to do some pre-marital counseling as of late, and we have talked with couples about some fight rules that we established in our first years of marriage. Whether you call them fights or disagreements or squabbles, every couple has them. Since we all are selfish people, every couple are going to have to work through issues together. As we have learned to work together in our home, we established rules to disagree by so that our marriage can really improve over the years.
We came up with five solid ones that we put into practice along the way in our marriage. I thought I would share them with you for you to agree with, disagree with, or maybe even put into practice. So I’ll post one every couple of days. The first one is an essential fight rule to put into your rulebook:
Couple’s Fight Rule #1: Never Go to Bed Angry.
This one is a must for us because it is a biblical idea. In Eph. 4:26, Paul says, “Be angry, but do not sin. Do not let the sun go down on your anger.” I love that! People get angry. With a couple, you will get angry with each other. Paul allows that, but he doesn’t want it to turn into sin. And a way to stay away from that is to never let the sun go down on your anger.
One rule that Amanda and I have is that we never ever, ever ever go to bed angry with one another. Because if we do, you already wake up on a bad start tomorrow. And since every morning, God’s mercies are new, you can’t start out the day rehashing an argument from yesterday. Overnight, your mind can make your anger fester.
That means that we might have late nights. We keep the lights on, we sit up, and we talk through any disagreement we might have, because we will not go to bed angry with one another. Why? Because our marriage is too precious to wait till tomorrow! We don’t won’t the Devil to have an opportunity (Eph. 4:27) to allow bitterness or a disconnect to taint our marriage, so we deal with problems that occur that day.
First rule to put into you marriage: never go to bed angry.
Four more to come.