I wanted to share with you the second couple’s fight rule that me and my wife have established in our home (you can view #1 here).Couple’s Fight Rule #2: Can’t Use a “Sorry, But…”
No, this rule has nothing to do with your spouse’s derrière. It actually has to do with insufficient apologies that can often be rampant in someone’s marriage. I used to apologize in this manner very often. Here’s what it sounds like.
“I admit that I hurt your feelings by what I said. I am sorry, but I never would have said those words had you not have said those things to be yesterday. ”
Do you understand what a “sorry butt” is now? It’s an apology intended to appease someone while actually blaming them for your actions. One day, when I used a “sorry butt,” Amanda stopped me and said “then you’re really not sorry because you just blamed me for what you said.” She couldn’t have been more right.
That’s why we came up with this rule. If we are going to apologize to each other, we are sorry, period. No one’s actions or words can cause us to say something wrong, no amount of sleepless nights or long days gives us the right to mistreat one another. If I did something wrong, I admit it regardless of the circumstances.
So watch yourself this week. See how many times you apologize with a “sorry butt.”