Husbands, God Won’t Answer Your Prayers

Men are called to love and to lead their wives.  You might desire to do this but unsure of how to go about doing it. Maybe you’ve never seen what it looks like for a godly man to love his wife. Maybe you have tried but feel like you keep finding resistance from your wife.

No matter how your wife responds, you are responsible for how you show love to her.

God will not hold you responsible for what your wife says to you or how your wife acts towards you. He will hold you responsible for how you love her in spite of her disposition.

When the Apostle Peter provided instructions for the home, he included a helpful verse found in 1 Peter 3:7:

Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.”

What does it mean that your wife is weaker than you? Does it mean that she can’t lift heavy objects like you can? Maybe. Does it mean that she is more prone to cry or have emotional days than you are? In some situations, yes. Honestly, it is hard to determine all that this is saying or not saying.

Honestly, this verse speaks more to the role of the husband though than it does the role of the wife.

Rather than focusing upon her weakness, think about what it means that you are supposed to be stronger than her.

It means that in trying times, you need to be resolute. It means that when the world is falling apart, you are unwavering in your faith in God. In those moments that you stand firm, if your bride begins to waver, don’t insult her, degrade her, or intimidate her.

Be a man, but don’t bully a daughter of God under the guise of your masculinity.

God doesn’t appreciate it at all. In fact, he says that if you can’t understand that your wife is a “co-heir of the grace of life,” your prayers are hindered.

Do you ever feel like your prayers are hitting the ceiling? You’ve prayed for something but haven’t seen any change?

Maybe it’s not that God is not listening, it’s just that he doesn’t respect the prayers of a bully. Be a man. A man of God.

If you don’t listen to your wife, God won’t listen to you.

Travis Agnew is a Christian, husband, father, pastor, author, blogger, and religion instructor.

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14 Comments

  1. I just emailed this to my husband, hope he reads & Learn … then CHANGE his ways towards me

  2. IamnotSimon

    To love your wife does not mean to be passive towards her or to accept her condition if she is difficult. There are certain things people are called to do in a marriage. A woman is called to obey, a man to lead. Both are to love and respect one another. Women…if you are not pleasing your husband don’t expect him to please you. You can’t have a prince charming if you try to badger him or make him a servant (not servant leader but just a servant). And men if your not nice (nice does not mean passive) or you are abusive you can’t expect things to go smoothly. The best thing both of you can do is examine yourselves…Specifically, yourselves in relation to God. First remove the plank, then go for the splinter.
    Here’s a pointer for the women, just because you are a woman does not mean you are not capable of being every bit as much of a bully as a man. You also have duties and obligations. See to it that you honor them. Recognize that each sex sins in different ways. When you do correct a spouse, do so in love. They are your brother and sister…treat them as such.

    • Standing Healthy in God

      We ALL make our own decisions in who we allow into our lives – and marry. Waiting for the OTHER person to change is not wise. Blaming everything on the other person is immature. God calls us Christian wives to “submit” which is not the same as “obey” – in that to submit we voluntarily do it – because we trust our husbands to make wise decisions, and to treat us in love. If our husband is doing something that is NOT of God (like being disrespectful towards us, or gambling our money away, or any other sinful behavior) we wives have a right to say “no” to such behavior.

      Yes, there are women who can be bullies, but this behavior should have been evident before you married her. So…why did you marry her? If it only showed up later, is it really bullying, or her setting healthy boundaries? If she is bullying you, YOU need to set healthy boundaries with her. This does not mean to retaliate or be mean back. To set a healthy boundary involves taking steps to let the other person know what you will and won’t put up with, and to work towards HEALING in your marriage. It can take time and being consistent in your boundaries, and of course asking God to help in the process.

  3. samy john

    why the when the wife gets married they always want to change their husband as though they are the bad guys?

  4. This is not true–my new husband and now not-so-new husband has abused me from the very beginning, as soon as he crossed the threshold with me.

    God seems to be doing backflips for him: giving him a six-figure salary–my husband has not even bought a bag of groceries for me the whole time of our marriage. My husband tells me regularly that I am ugly, I am not allowed to speak, or even to think, he says.

    He is now living with a Filipina woman less than half his age, and he says that God orchestrated it. He says he can’t relate to MY pain, since he is so blessed of God–and he is!

    Out of the 22 years that we have been married, he has only been home for three consecutive months. I don’t know what it feels like to receive a gift from him, yet he buys his concubine hundreds of dollars worth of gifts. He once complained to me that he had to buy a $10 phone card to call me, yelling over the phone. He refuses to give me his address or phone number over all of this time, and yet God continues to bless him with blessings that make me salivate.

    I live on 600 dollars a month and do not even know what it feels like to be cared for by my husband, and God is not my friend, since I cannot trust Him anymore. He promised in His Word that if husbands are cruel and harsh to their wives that they would not get ready answers, yet my husband is dripping with blessing while I wonder where he is, and the last time I spoke with him he told me I was ugly and he had never been loved like he is being loved by his Filipina shack-up. Nice thing to say to a wife who has waited 22 years–and before you say that I have biblical grounds for divorce, think again, he’s a Christian, a preacher. Nice. I have biblical grounds since his last phone call only, since that is when I found out about his shack-up; but that was only a few months ago. Before that, I had no proof of infidelity; he would proudly avow that God had kept him. But during our last phone call, when I had to spend weeks trying to find him, I asked him point-blank: This time he answered yes, that he had been having orchestrated sex (orchestrated by God he says), and he says that it is going to stand and that “he went in unto her”, and they are married, and he is going to make it legal. He also said that he is only back in Canada so that he can make more money to go back and have more sex with her.

    It’s funny, he once threatened me and yelled and pronounced a prophecy over me that God had given me over to strong delusion, since I had not received the love of the truth–all because I asked him to get a part-time job, because I did not have enough money to feed us. With his now six-figure salary, he buys her everything. Nothing for me.

    Oh, and on a final note, he says he “put me away” even though he failed to tell me, while he was still calling me and reminding me that we are still married. Nice.

    Don’t wonder why I stumble. I read and stand on the Word, and yet this is my experience. The Word does not hold true in my life. I gave my life wholeheartedly to Christ decades ago, and yet God turns the other way and does not honour His Word for me. I have two enemies. I give up. That’s what I get for giving my life to Christ. I should have kept my life and felt better for myself. Instead, I trust Christ unreservedly, and He simply will not honour me and allows this buffoon to prosper in my face while I suffer like someone is scraping the inside of my soul with chards of glass.

    • Ark, I am so sorry to hear your situation, but I want to encourage you that our timing is not like God’s timing. And our definition of success is not God’s definition. Things may seem to be going your husband’s way, but if he is disobedient to the Lord, the Lord has promised to take care of that. Situations may be appearing right for him, but his prayers are not being answered. Gal. 6:7-8

    • Standing Healthy in God

      People (including husbands) treat us the way WE ALLOW THEM to treat us. It can be a difficult lesson to learn, but we women need to learn to choose our husbands wisely, and to set firm healthy boundaries in marriage. Maybe you would benefit from reading “Boundaries in Marriage”.

    • Your husband is the one deceived here and by the way he is living he will not inherit the Kingdom of God. 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 ” 9 Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind,

      10 Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God”. So the devil has your husband fouled into thinking because he is financially blessed he must be right with God. This is not so and God will not be mocked. Look at all those in hollywood who are rich but heading to hell. God says blessed are the poor. He warns the rich over and over. Your husband is in danger of going to hell if he doesn’t repent. So all that this man has put you through God will be sure to judge him for it. He has been give over to a depraved mind. Do not let this man take your faith away or your trust in God away. I understand your struggle I have been there. It hurts and makes you feel worthless. The truth is God said you were worth the death of His Son to get your back. If you think you have it bad think about your husband spending eternity in hell. That is God’s punishment for that man who is living in willful sin. My suggestion is that you forgive your husband and give him over to God to deal with. If you cry for him is should not be for yourself but for him that God would open his eyes so he doesn’t end up in hell. God promises to provide all your needs. Being angry at your husband and God only hurts you. When you put more stock in what your husband says about you than what God says about you you are making your husband lord and if you are more focused on your husband than you are God that is idolatry. Your husband has left you and abandon you and failed his God given role as your husband. You are no longer bound to this man and God has given you the right to divorce him. You belong to God 1st and vengeance is mine says the Lord. So let go and let God deal with him. Need I remind you that many verses in the Bible say to separate yourself from people who claim to be Christian but are living in away that is not Christ like. 1 Corinthians 5:11 But now I have written unto you not to keep company, if any man that is called a brother be a fornicator, or covetous, or an idolator, or a railer, or a drunkard, or an extortioner; with such an one no not to eat” If you read the whole chapter you find this “To deliver such an one unto Satan for the destruction of the flesh, that the spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord Jesus” (vs. 5 KJV) If you still want to hold on to your marriage that is also ok but you must realize this is a war not against flesh and blood. Might I suggest you watch war room.

  5. I read you article and agree with it, however I wanted to look up the passage you referenced about a man’s prayers not being answered if he didn’t treat his wife properly. Could you please reference that passage? Thank you.

  6. I have a,question. Im not in unbelief and im sure its my understanding of yhe scripture. Being a divorced woman from a horrible marriage. ( he left, I wanted to work it out). He did all kinds of things cheated etc. ( no I do not see myself as perfect , none of us are. But I did take my vows very seriously )
    If a husbands ( since the men are leaders) prayers are left unanswered doesn’t his wife and children inadvertently get “punished” also?

    Being a leader means you have people under you, it also means what ever happens to you filters down. How can a,man lead if God isn’t guiding him? Wolu lint that just make everything worse?

  7. Where in the Bible does it say that a man will not get his prayers answered if he does not treat his wife with total respect

  8. Stephanie

    1 peter 3:7

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