Edwards Road Baptist Church / Marriage Conference / February 11-12, 2022
What therefore God has joined together, let nothing separate.
Matthew 19:6
No marriage deteriorates overnight, but it can suffer due to a gradual drift. If you don’t address your marriage separators, you are unfortunately inviting the gap to widen.
To combat numerous needs in our lives, God instituted the wondrous gift of marriage. God calls us to help one another, but if we are not careful, we will find ourselves hindering each other instead.
- Then the LORD God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him” (Genesis 2:18).
- Man was the only creation made in the image of God and the only one He deemed as not good.
- Even before sin disrupted communion with God, Adam was identified as alone.
- While God could have met all of Adam’s needs, He chose not to meet them all by Himself.
What does God expect us to help our spouse with in the first place?
#1. Relationship with God
- Before Adam had a relationship with Eve, he had a relationship with God.
- Marriage should be a spiritually nurturing environment that encourages one another’s relationship with God.
- Your marriage will be better if you put your spouse in the second position.
#2. Role from God
- Each of you has divinely designed roles by which you bring glory to God and good to others.
- When I help my spouse engage God’s call, I am fulfilling mine as well.
- Selfless spouses seek to ascertain why God has put their significant other in this world and then seek to assist them in fulfilling those particular calls.
#3. Rule from God
- Marriage is a built-in accountability system to fight against temptation.
- Marriage should provide an extra line of defense against disobedience.
- Sin can originate when we prioritize our spouse’s desires over God’s commands.
How can I help my spouse’s relationship with God?
How can I help further my spouse’s roles given by God?
How can I encourage my spouse to keep the rules given by God?
Every challenging issue in your marriage is due to one or both acting selfishly. God’s Word provides life-giving instructions on how to fight against this trend.
The person who knows you the closest can often hurt you the deepest.
Significance
- Every man desires significance in some critical area of his life.
- Men will gravitate towards whoever or whatever that affirms them the most.
Security
- Every woman desires security in some critical area of her life.
- Women will seek security from the most reliable source available to them.
Ephesians 5:21-28
The Solution – Instead of focusing on addressing individual needs, God designed marriage to address the needs of one’s spouse.
Sacrifice
- Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her (Eph. 5:25).
- Men are called to lay down their lives for the good of their wives.
- The level of a man’s sacrifice for his wife determines the amount of security she feels in their marriage.
Submission
- Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord (Eph. 5:22).
- God calls women to build their husbands up to whom He expects them to be.
- If a husband finds significance in his wife, he doesn’t have to look for it anywhere else.
When any other relationship takes precedence over your spouse, your marriage is in a subtle yet severe danger. You must ensure that your spouse has the unrivaled priority position in your life.
Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
Genesis 2:24
Leave
- God’s call to leave one’s family is more than a physical separation – it is a transfer of ultimate allegiance.
- Without a shift in priorities, a marriage will never experience true intimacy.
- If anyone has an edge on relational intimacy, it can severely threaten the marriage.
Cleave
- Reprioritizing Relationships – You must reprioritize every relationship in your life to be subordinate to the unique and exclusive relationship with your spouse.
- Achieving Authenticity – True intimacy within marriage is when no one shares any connection more profound than the spouse.
- Building Boundaries – You must build boundaries to protect your marriage from good relationships in unhealthy positions.
- Affair
- He who commits adultery lacks sense; he who does it destroys himself (Prov. 6:32).
- The fun of adultery may last for a moment, but the pain of infidelity will last for a lifetime.
- The irony of adultery is that as soon as you get the person you pursued, he or she ceases to be the person you admired.
- Parents
- Honor your father and your mother (this is the first commandment with a promise), that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land (Eph. 6:2-3).
- Don’t idolize your parents or demonize your spouse’s parents.
- Learn to respect your parents without relying on your parents.
- Children
- Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth (Ps. 127:4).
- A marriage cannot thrive with an empty nest if the child becomes the sole shared experience.
- One of the most significant ways to love your child is by prioritizing your spouse.
- Friends
- Scarcely had I passed them when I found whom my soul loves. I held him and would not let him go (SS 3:4).
- Don’t save the happy moments for your friend and the tense moments for your spouse.
- All healthy friendships will be those who support your marriage and never threaten your marriage.
His mouth is most sweet, and he is altogether desirable. This is my beloved, and this is my friend, O daughters of Jerusalem (SS 5:16).
Your spouse must be your only lover and your prioritized friend.
Sometimes the minor things in marriage can become the most dangerous. Don’t get complacent regarding the things that can hinder your connection.
- What are the most dangerous marriage separators threatening couples today?
- What are some of the more minor things that can cause much havoc in a marriage if left unaddressed?
Catching Foxes
Catch the foxes for us, the little foxes, that spoil the vineyards, for our vineyards are in blossom (SS 2:15).
- The most dangerous nuisances in your marriage may not be the ones that are so glaringly obvious.
- Minor issues that are never addressed can become significant issues where help becomes critical.
- Never overlook that practical opposition can have spiritual sources.
Considering Suspects
- Sexual Struggle – Don’t view sex as an isolated physical activity of your marriage but as a central component of your overall intimacy.
- Career – Don’t fool yourself by saying that your provision negates the importance of your presence.
- Busyness – If you don’t schedule your priorities, your marriage will inevitably receive the leftovers.
- Finances – If you cannot achieve oneness with your finances, you will struggle with insecurity, suspicions, and selfishness.
- Hobby – A good thing can become a bad thing when it becomes the one thing to the neglect of the essential things.
- Technology – Amoral technological devices can turn into unhealthy distractions.
- Hardship – The strongest couples are the ones who refuse to allow the difficulties that come against their marriage to come in between their marriage.
Clarifying Enemies
- Resist the perspective that causes you to battle against your spouse when you should be going to battle with your spouse.
- Your marriage has an enemy, and it isn’t your spouse.
- Your marriage should be progressing towards greater intimacy and not drifting towards relational complacency.
He brought me to the banqueting house, and his banner over me was love.
Song of Solomon 2:4
Looking for more marriage resources?
Travis Agnew serves as the Lead Pastor of Rocky Creek Church in Greenville, SC. His most recent book is Just (About) Married.
