developing lifestyle worshipers

While there are varying degrees of PDA (public displays of affection), and you and your spouse’s personalities should definitely be considered, how visible is your love for your spouse? Many people will say, “We don’t have to do all that stuff to show how much we love each other.” That’s true, but it’s not a bad addition.

If your children had to rate your marriage’s connection strictly based upon what they witnessed, how would they grade you?  Check out these two quotes I received a few months ago:

1. “It was no surprise to me when my parents got a divorce. They never used that word, but I never saw them remotely affectionate towards each other. When I visited my friends’ houses and they would comment at how gross it was to see their parents kiss or hold hands – I quietly wished my parents were like that. Their divorce came as no shock – I never really saw them be in love.” -Beth, 16 year old with divorced parents alternating on the weekends
2. “When I was sixteen, even though I used to say it was gross when my mom and dad hugged and kissed each other in front of us, I can’t tell you the amount of stability it brought to my life.” -Erin, Beth’s friend, whose parents have been married for 28 years

Have you ever thought that the level of affection you show your spouse speaks something to your children?  I’m not talking about handling yourself in such a way that others think you need a room, but I am talking about intimacy and affection that spills over into life.

While our boys are two, they get really excited when they see mom and dad hugging or giving a kiss.  It shows connection.  It shows that they aren’t at the center of the world.  It shows them that we had a relationship before they were around.  You might think it sounds funny, but our boys just seem secure when their parents show affection towards one another.

With which statement do you most agree?

• Parents who display affection in front of their children are inconsiderate.
• Parents who display affection in front of their children are gross.
• Parents who display affection in front of their children are immature.
• Parents who display affection in front of their children enjoy attention.
• Parents who display affection in front of their children are perfectly healthy.

I don’t how to say this in a politically correct way, so I’ll just say it how I see it: I forget my son is black until we are in public.

I’m not exaggerating.  I’m not trying to be spiritual.  It’s just the way it is.  When I go home at 5:00 today, I will have two boys run to the door to give my hugs and kisses.  When I see them, all I see is my two sons.  I don’t see one as black, one as white.  I don’t see one as adopted, one as biological.  They are simply my sons.  It is amazing how God works in your heart.

I see it that way.  But not everyone else does.  It’s interesting to me.  I will get the boys out of their car seats, and we will walk into a restaurant and all of a sudden the stares of other people remind me: your family is different.  And then I remember.

The stares are different.  Not all stares mean the same thing.

• The Confused Stare – “Maybe these boys are just friends, but they are wearing the same clothes.  How can this be?”
• The Disapproving Stare – “That just ain’t right” (these stares come from people regardless of race – you might be surprised).
• The Blank Stare – “Huh? Why is that white man holding that black child’s hand?”
• The Accepting Stare – “I don’t know how this happened or your story, but I think that is right on.”

We don’t mind the stares.  We have gotten used to them.  If our family encourages people or challenges them to think, that is a good thing.

I only concern myself with certain stares.  I am concerned with the stares from my boys.  When they stare at me, they see their daddy.  Not their white daddy, I am simply their daddy.  I want my wife to stare at me with trusting eyes.  I want my Father to stare at me and see a servant with whom He is pleased.

And at the end of the day, that’s all that really matters.

APPLICATION: If you obsess to please everyone, you end up pleasing no one.  ”For am I now seeking the favor of men, or of God?  Or am I striving to please men?  If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a bond-servant of Christ” -Gal. 1:10.

Today is Amanda’s birthday.  Everyday I am more and more amazed at how blessed I am to have such an extraordinary wife in my life!

Next to Jesus, she is the greatest gift I could ever ask for in this life.  She is a treasure, she is my bride, and she is my closest friend.

On her birthday, people celebrate her for so many things, but today I want to thank God for her colorblindness.

I chose this black and white picture (no pun intended) to show off my family.  This last year, I have never seen someone pray so much, give so much, and walk in faith so much as she has.  Since God called us to expand our family, she has never once backed down from obstacles, circumstances, or reactions.  Race was never an issue.  Problems never deterred her.  What-if’s never consumed her.

And today, she gets to celebrate with three Agnew boys who are absolutely crazy about her.  She is the queen of the castle and adored by each one of us.

Her determination, consistency, and Christlikeness makes her so unique in this world.

And today, I am thankful to call her mine.