Don’t Ruin Your Marriage During Your Engagement

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We were months away from being married. I was counting down the days. While I loved getting used to calling Amanda my fiancé, I was extremely eager to introduce her to others as my wife.  

I was looking forward to every aspect of marriage, but there was this thing that got in the way of it – it’s called the wedding.  As we neared our wedding day, I noticed something.  We were using all of our time talking about the reception, the caterers, the flowers, and the clothing.  Most of our time together was spent like two business partners planning an event.  

Somehow we were spending more time working on the wedding instead of the marriage.

Are you working towards marriage?  Don’t ruin the gift of marriage while you endure through the time of engagement. It’s time to go the second mile in your engagement.

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  • The 1st mile of engagement is working towards marriage while avoiding physical temptations.  
  • The 2nd mile of engagement is working towards marriage while addressing spiritual connections.

As I think through components that helped new marriages thrive, many of them worked on four key relationships during the engagement.   

  1. Jesus – Work on Sanctification for God’s Glory and Your Fiancé’s Benefit.  Sanctification means that you are growing in Christ.  It is the process of becoming more like him (Rom. 6:18; Rom. 12:1-2; Gal. 2:20; 1 Thess. 4:3; 2 Pet. 3:18; 1 Cor. 6:11; 2 Thess. 2:13; Phil. 1:6).  Your fiancé will benefit if you are more like Jesus.  What are you currently doing to draw closer to Jesus? 
  2. Fiancé – Prepare More for the Marriage Than the Wedding.  Once engaged, most couples use the majority of their time together planning details for a 25-minute service and a 90-minute party while neglecting to cultivate the union that should last for a lifetime.  You won’t enjoy the photo album of that day if the marriage it represents goes down in flames.  Commit to working on the details, but carve out time where you nurture the relationship during your engagement.  Don’t miss the one to whom you are engaged during the engagement.  Make your desire for each other (Song of Sol. 7:10) and not just a good ceremony. 
  3. Friend – Surround Yourselves with Friends Who Love Marriage.  If all of the influential people in your life are negative about marriage, your perspective will change (Ps. 1:1; Prov. 13:20).  I recommend that you join a discipleship group within your church as individuals or as a couple that will help spur you on to love and good deeds during this time (Heb. 10:24-25).  If you choose a co-ed group, ensure that you have some outside accountability (Prov. 27:17) to protect yourselves from sin that can easily beset you during engagement (Heb. 12:1).
  4. Mentor – Learn from an Older Couple Whose Love Is Evident.  Scripture commands for older generations to teach the younger generations (Titus 2:3-5; Ps. 145:4; 2 Tim. 2:2; Ps. 71:18; 1 Cor. 11:1).  Oftentimes, our churches segregate age divisions to all of our detriment.  Find a couple who has been married for a while and are obviously still thrilled by the union.  Avoid older naysayers who demean their spouses in public.  Seek out a couple who love marriage like Jesus loves marriage and take them out for dinner.  Ask them questions and glean insight from their wisdom.