Knowing yourself allows you to understand the type of person you need to marry. You were made uniquely, and it will take a particular kind of person to walk alongside you for life.
If God is calling you to go one way, any person who leans in the opposite direction is unable to accompany you. You will either walk away from God or be torn between two loves. There is no way to end up in life still together if you continue facing different directions right now.
God has uniquely designed you, and He has specific plans for your life. If you choose to marry someone that hinders the formation and filling of God in your life, you are inviting unnecessary trouble which you will never escape.
Considering how God has wired you, think about what is non-negotiable for a partner. You may have had someone encourage you to develop a list of essential characteristics of a potential spouse. While your list may have some specifics, the following list should be a basic set of expectations.
- Has a vibrant and growing relationship with Jesus
- Has the wisdom to make biblically-guided decisions
- Has an eager desire to serve a local church
- Has the resolve to fight against temptation
- Has a diligent commitment to using opportunities well
- Has a close group of godly relationships
- Has acknowledgment of personal shortcomings
While that may provide a good start for your list, I want you to consider something important: can you meet the criteria you expect a potential spouse to meet? I often find individuals with a comprehensive list of expectations they cannot meet personally.
Do you think you can hold someone to a higher standard than you exemplify? I don’t want you to reduce the quality of this list if you miss the mark; on the contrary, I encourage you to raise the bar even more. But as you wait to marry that “perfect” person, are you making personal progress yourself?
I often tell single ladies that if they hope to marry Mr. Right, he rarely makes the time for Mrs. Wrong. If you are looking for Mrs. Right, she usually avoids Mr. Wrong like the plague. Stop expecting someone else to meet qualities that do not describe you.
I encourage you to make a list of essentials. Let that help you determine if your fiancé is marriage material, but don’t neglect to evaluate yourself. Instead of hoping that your fiancé is the type of spouse you want, have you ever considered becoming the type of person your future spouse will need?
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Travis Agnew serves as the Lead Pastor of Rocky Creek Church in Greenville, SC. His most recent book is Just (About) Married.
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