Our culture has a stereotype of pastor’s children that is the complete opposite of this biblical expectation. When people mention a “preacher kid,” they are normally referencing some rebellious hellion bent on tarnishing his father’s reputation in the community. This stereotype reveals more than an unfortunate circumstance, it shows unbiblical perspectives and qualifications present in the church today.
Repeatedly, many preacher kids reveal a father who took care of the needs of everyone else except for those living in his own house. In attempts to appease this member or that family, he neglected his own wife and children. As the years went by, not only does the minister’s family resent the man of the house, but they also resent the church and many never return once they leave home.
Your pastors need to care for their own children more than they care for your children.
The biblical model is for a pastor to care for his wife, his children, and then to equip the saints for the work of the ministry. By his teaching and through his example, he can show you to evangelize and disciple your children because he is also doing the same thing within his own family.
Your pastor can not fix every marriage. He needs to nurture his own. He can not fix all of your children’s issues, because he is trying to keep his own children from wandering away from God.
A church needs to have high expectations for their ministers, but they need to ensure that they are God’s high expectations and not unrealistic manmade expectations. God wants men in the gospel ministry who are fulfilling his call, and a church needs to allow their pastors to be obedient to God more than anything else. You need to give your ministerial leadership room to take care of their families.
Frankly, your pastor might be needed more at his son’s soccer game than beside your hospital bed. I am not at all saying that a pastor should not do hospital visitation or pastoral counseling, but if he answers the call of every need in a given congregation, he is unable to care for his family and therefore unfit to lead that congregation anymore. Every church wants the best pastor they can find. Make sure that once you find him you don’t disqualify him by not allowing his focus to be on his own home.
Excerpt from the upcoming release of Don’t Drop Your Kids Off at Church.