If you still want to be with your spouse at the end of your life, you must be heading in the same direction now.
So many marriages struggle due to misalignment. The two partners simply pointed themselves in different directions. In reality, the danger is in the subtlety of it all. Rarely do people marry another who has an entirely opposing worldview. So, why does it often feel that way in marriage? What causes a couple to get so far off track from one another so quickly?
Where Did We Get Off Track?
It started way back at the beginning of the relationship. Instead of possessing opposing directions, they merely had different orientations by seemingly insignificant degrees. The compatibility of the two worked in the beginning because it appeared as if they shared similar values. They were side by side but slightly misaligned. If you looked carefully, you would have noticed that they were off by the slightest of infractions. They just differed a few degrees from one another.
Consider two arrows side by side yet slightly tilted away from one another. At first, the difference is barely noticeable. Over the years though, the widening gap is almost too immense to reconcile. As the marriage mileage increased, their distance from one another endangered their relationship which all started with a minimal difference they failed to address.
The Goal of Marriage
If you look at the pages of Scripture, a worthy goal is not to get along peacefully, raise children to be respectable members of society, or to purchase that pristine home in the country. The target must unashamedly be the glory of God. When a couple desires God to be pleased with all the aspects of their home, that mutual motivation settles most issues that arise within the marriage. Whatever you do in your home should be done for the glory of God (1 Cor. 10:31).
Notice that this marriage direction is not heading towards one another. If you focus solely on your spouse and not how to glorify God with your spouse, you will end up in a wrong direction. And while bringing glory to God is ultimately a service of devotion to him, it is also a tremendous benefit to your spouse. Seeking first his kingdom and his righteousness ensures that he will add everything needed to you (Matt. 6:33) and that you will bless your family with your integrity (Ps. 128:3).
The worst thing you can do in marriage is to make it all about you or all about your spouse. You must learn that obeying God’s commands rather than adhering to your spouse’s wishes is actually in the best interest of the marriage.
Aligning yourself with God’s standards is for God’s glory and your marriage’s good.
Maybe your marriage is struggling because you are trying to do it by your wisdom. Your spouse’s ideas don’t always align with your efforts. The standard inside you disagrees with the standard inside your spouse, and your marriage can chart a course in significantly different directions. The standard inside you is unstable, the standard beside you is unsure, so you both most look towards the standard above you. You must align your marriage around God’s Word.