As you consider the identity and chemistry of individuals and teams, and evaluate the essentials and non-essentials of what you need to be looking for on a team, it is essential to consider what you will do when the conflict comes.
Now, if you assume you can avoid such struggles, you live in a fantasy world. Prepare to be disappointed. No matter how healthy you and the team are or how well you have thought through and led through those potential disruptors, you will face issues as you serve Jesus alongside others.
It’s not if you have conflict, it is about when you have it and what to do when it happens. It’s also important to consider what to do with conflict depending upon who it is with. Every team has a leader, and that position of authority must be considered. You are to respect those above you and those beside you. Within those positions, you should maintain a posture of humility and willingness to work through any issues. By processing your feelings through biblical directives, you will hopefully be able to reestablish unity and actually be emotionally healthier on the other side of it.
When frustration comes within a team’s dynamics, it is essential to evaluate why. Someone can make a bad decision or simply be having a bad day. While both can cause conflict, it does help interpret the depth of the issue. One requires addressing, and the other might benefit from overlooking. We often hesitate to give others the type of patience we hope to receive. If you start by assuming that the person has sinister motives, you will find it easy to confirm your suspicions. Test each situation to determine if your frustration is due to someone being wrong, weird, or weak (and that someone might be you).
#1. Wrongdoing
First, someone’s wrongdoing may cause your conflict. You or another team member may have sinned, causing a rift among you. While it’s ideal if someone acknowledges it on their own initiative, sometimes someone has to call it out. To speak the truth in love (Eph. 4:15) is vital. To avoid the issue isn’t helpful. It’s always problematic to address someone’s sin in a sinful way. Sin always causes conflict. If some individual’s sin has caused strife on your team, the transgression must be acknowledged or confronted for the sake of unhindered unity.
#2. Weirdness
Second, your frustration may come from the weird way someone is handling the situation. I don’t mean this designation to sound derogatory. We all handle things differently. On a team, if someone acts or speaks in a way you deem unwise, it suggests that you would do things differently. Unlike the first situation, this category may not be a sinful issue. It’s just awareness that we all process situations uniquely, and sometimes people will get on your nerves because they are different than you. Do not handle these discrepancies as calling someone out for sin. Most of the time you will have to get over those feelings since the individual isn’t doing anything wrong to you.
#3. Weakness
Third, frustration on a team can increase due to someone being weak. This scenario is a frequent issue among ministry teams. Sometimes people aren’t doing what is necessary — not because they are wrong or weird, they are simply tired. Life and ministry have knocked the wind out of them, and they cannot perform as they wish. The Scriptures remind us of our need to persevere in times of exhaustion (1 Cor. 15:58; Gal. 6:9). Jesus reminded His followers of Isaiah’s words that should serve as an encouragement for us: “A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out” (Matt. 12:20; Isa. 42:3). It is a needed reminder that God doesn’t kick us when we are down; He doesn’t extinguish us when we have a slight flicker left. If God doesn’t disparage us when we are weak, we shouldn’t do that to each other.
Travis Agnew serves as the Lead Pastor of Rocky Creek Church in Greenville, SC. His most recent book is Just (About) Married.
