When frustration inevitably arises on your team, you must process it biblically. The goal should be reconciliation. If you seek to confront someone and your deepest desire is to be proven right rather than reconciled, you are starting from a dangerous position. Unity must be radically pursued for the sake of the mission. Having awkward conversations is worth it if the work continues unhindered.
Jesus provides the steps for healthy confrontation. The progression to address someone’s mistakes is private, partner, and public (Matt. 18:15-17). First, take the issue to the individual privately and pray for acknowledgment. Second, if the first step didn’t work, take a partner along to verify the problem. Third, if the previous attempts failed, bring it up in a public setting within the church. In the original usage of that word, Jesus was talking about the gathering. On the mission field, that might have to be your team.
What’s unique about this progression is that we often skip steps or reorder them to address situations. You should not talk to people about someone’s issues until you have talked with the individual first. Talking to another team member or leader in most settings may not be beneficial. If you can approach the individual with love and concern, you can address the situation without involving too many people.
Here’s how Jesus has backed us into a corner for our own good: when sin has happened in a relationship, you are responsible for addressing it. If your resistance is based on wondering who is at fault, that’s precisely the point: it doesn’t matter. If you are the guilty or the non-guilty one, he has placed the responsibility on you to address it. If you know someone has something against you, Jesus says to leave worship and address it (Matt. 5:23-24). If you are angry about their actions, Jesus commands you to take the initiative and forgive that individual (Matt. 18:22).
You may be in a situation where your team leader is not acting as he or she ought. If that is the case, ensure that your confrontation includes the respect that a situation like this warrants. “Do not rebuke an older man but encourage him as you would a father, younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, younger women as sisters, in all purity” (1 Tim. 5:1-2). You can point out sin to a leader, but you must maintain respect.
If the situation is with a team member, you must confront them to reconcile. Jesus taught to rebuke one another in sin. Once repentance occurs, you can forgive and move on (Luke 17:3). At that point, you can restore that relationship with a spirit of gentleness (Gal. 6:1). There’s no need to stay at odds once you have addressed the situation.
Part of forgiving someone is learning how to see that individual the way God does. His forgiveness is complete. With God, there is no condemnation (Rom. 8:1). He remembers our sins no more (Jer. 31:34). He has removed our sins as far as the east is from the west (Ps. 103:12). Love keeps no record of wrongs (1 Cor. 13:5). God’s forgiveness is not fickle at all, so neither should ours be.
Conflict is inevitable, but division is a choice. Address it biblically, forgive like Christ, and keep pressing on together.Â
Travis Agnew serves as the Lead Pastor of Rocky Creek Church in Greenville, SC. His most recent book is Just (About) Married.
