We live in a world that celebrates independence and rewards self-sufficiency. It’s no wonder that when life gets challenging, we retreat. Our default mode in moments of failure, fear, or fatigue is to withdraw from others and build walls around our lives to protect us from further hurt. We’ve convinced ourselves that isolation is safer than intimacy. But while isolation may feel secure, it is never spiritually healthy.
If we’re honest, many of us avoid authentic community because deep relationships have brought pain in the past. We’ve opened up before—trusted someone, confessed something, leaned on others—and we got burned. Maybe someone betrayed a confidence. Maybe your vulnerability was met with silence, judgment, or spiritual platitudes. Over time, those wounds scarred your soul and taught you to keep your guard up. You’re not alone in that.
Adam and Eve did the same thing in the garden. After they sinned, they ran away from God and tried to hide. But they also covered themselves from each other. Sin doesn’t just damage our relationship with God; it fractures our relationships with people, too. When we mess up, we hide. When others hurt us, we withdraw. It feels easier to stay in our own heads and protect ourselves than to risk being known again.
But isolation, while comfortable at first, eventually becomes a prison. God created us for community. He designed us to walk with others, confess with others, grow with others, and be refined through others. Small groups are one of the most vital environments where this kind of connection can take place. But it won’t happen by accident.
There are three main reasons why we avoid authentic community in church contexts:
- We’re afraid of what others will think if they really knew us. We polish our appearance, filter our speech, and hide our struggles, believing the lie that people only accept a version of us, not the real us. The irony is that everyone else is doing the same thing. But healing starts when someone is brave enough to embrace vulnerability first.
- We’ve been hurt too many times before. People have let us down, and we’ve learned that being open can be dangerous. But the answer to past wounds isn’t self-protection—it’s Spirit-led healing. God often brings that healing through the very thing we’re avoiding: biblical community.
- We’ve bought into a counterfeit version of connection. Social media and digital interaction give us the illusion of relationships without the reality of them. Shallow conversation and surface-level connections cannot replace the deep work God intends to do through biblical community.
The truth is simple but profound: We may want isolation, but we were made for connection. And while the risk of being known is real, so is the reward. When we engage in honest, Christ-centered relationships, we discover grace, accountability, and transformation that cannot be found alone. Authentic community isn’t always easy, but it’s always worth it.
Travis Agnew serves as the Lead Pastor of Rocky Creek Church in Greenville, SC. His most recent book is Just (About) Married.
