No marriage is immune to conflict. Two imperfect people living in close proximity, sharing responsibilities, carrying emotional weight—it’s not if problems arise, but how we handle them when they do.
When sin enters the conversation—whether through hurtful words, selfish actions, or painful choices—we often feel justified in reacting strongly. But the problem is this: when one person sins, and the other responds with more sin, the situation doesn’t get better. It gets worse.
You’re not diffusing the fire. You’re pouring gasoline on it.
Proverbs 15:1 reminds us, “A gentle answer turns away anger, but a harsh word stirs up wrath.” That’s not just good advice—it’s a lifeline for marriage. When we respond to our spouse’s failure with defensiveness, sarcasm, or retaliation, we may feel powerful in the moment, but we’re undermining the trust and unity God desires for our relationship.
Ephesians 4:29–32 gives clear instruction for how we should communicate in every relationship—but especially in marriage. Paul writes:
“No foul language should come from your mouth, but only what is good for building up someone in need… Let all bitterness, anger and wrath, shouting and slander be removed from you… And be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you in Christ.”
This kind of communication is not natural. It’s Spirit-enabled. It requires humility to hold back, patience to listen, and grace to respond—not just in calm moments, but in heated ones. Especially in heated ones.
In marriage counseling, I often remind couples: You don’t have to say everything you feel the moment you feel it. Take a breath. Pray before you speak. Ask yourself: Is what I’m about to say helpful? Is it healing or harmful?
Of course, this doesn’t mean we avoid hard conversations or pretend sin didn’t happen. It means we handle it with truth and love. Jesus modeled both (John 1:14). In marriage, you must address real issues—but do so in a way that aims for reconciliation, not escalation.
If your spouse sins, don’t join them in it. Don’t trade wound for wound. Instead, invite the Spirit to rule your response.
Because healing begins not when conflict is avoided, but when it’s handled with Christlike love.
