Some wounds cut deeper than others. Maybe someone lied to you, betrayed your trust, or walked away when you needed them most. Those scars linger, and bitterness has a way of creeping in like a slow poison.
We need Jesus’ wisdom for how to respond when someone’s sin wounds us. Jesus tells a story (Matthew 18:21-35) that exposes both the shocking grace of God and the tragic irony of an unforgiving heart. If we truly grasp the weight of our forgiven debt, we will be compelled to extend forgiveness to those who have wronged us.
The Pharisees taught that forgiveness had a cap of three strikes. Peter thought he was generous when he suggested forgiving seven times. But Jesus lifted the ceiling entirely, shifting forgiveness from an amount to an attitude.
Forgiveness isn’t about math; it’s about mercy.
The Story of Two Debts
To make His point, Jesus told a parable about two men with very different debts.
The First Encounter. A servant owed his master 10,000 talents. One talent equaled about twenty years of wages. In today’s terms, that’s roughly $6 billion, which is an impossible debt. The master had every right to demand repayment, yet he chose shocking mercy and forgave it all.
The Second Encounter. That same servant found another man who owed him 100 denarii. A denarius equaled one day’s wage. In modern terms, approximately $12,000 is a significant but manageable debt. Instead of showing mercy, he demanded repayment and refused to forgive.
The one who received mercy was unwilling to extend it to others.
What It Means for Us
If we’re honest, we see ourselves in the unforgiving servant. We’ve begged God for grace, and He’s given it freely. But when it comes to others, we can be quick to demand justice and slow to extend mercy.
Here’s the truth:
- God will eventually settle every account of sin.
- Others may owe us real and painful debts, but they are nothing compared to the debt we owed Him.
- It is spiritually backwards to demand harsher standards for lesser offenses.
- Claiming Amazing Grace while refusing to extend it is hypocrisy.
- You’ve been forgiven too much to still carry a grudge.
Forgiveness Is Freedom
Forgiveness doesn’t excuse the wrong or erase the hurt. It doesn’t guarantee the relationship will look the same. But forgiveness does set you free from the chains of bitterness.
When you forgive, you honor God who forgave you. You extend grace that reflects His heart. And you open the door for healing in your own soul.
Relational forgiveness brings glory to God, grace to others, and good to our own souls.
Five Steps Toward Forgiveness
1. Name the Target of Your Bitterness
Bitterness thrives in vagueness. If you never identify who hurt you or what they did, the resentment just keeps circulating in your heart. Write it down or say it out loud: Who is the person, and what is the offense? Naming it is the first step toward releasing it.
2. Pray for a Softened Heart
Forgiveness doesn’t start with willpower; it begins with prayer. Ask God to soften your heart toward the one who wronged you. Pray for the ability to see them as someone made in His image and in need of the same grace you’ve been given.
3. Select a Reasonable Approach
Forgiveness doesn’t always mean picking up the phone right away. Sometimes it looks like releasing someone in your heart without immediate contact. Other times, God may lead you to a gentle conversation or a letter. Choose a step that is both faithful and wise for your situation.
4. Share with a Godly Friend
Bitterness grows best in isolation. Confide in a trusted, godly friend who will pray with you, hold you accountable, and remind you of the gospel when emotions rise again. Walking this road with someone else can help keep your steps steady.
5. Offer Forgiveness
Ultimately, forgiveness is a choice. It’s not pretending the hurt didn’t happen, and it doesn’t always remove the pain instantly. However, it releases the person from your demand for payback. When you offer forgiveness, you echo the mercy of Christ and step into the freedom He intends for you.
