When I preached in prison about forgiving the people who have hurt us, one inmate came up afterward and said, “Pastor, I needed that, but what about the people I’ve hurt? I can’t go back and fix it.”
That question stopped me. The first sermon had focused on releasing bitterness toward others, but this man reminded me of the other side of forgiveness: what it means to seek reconciliation when we are the ones who did the damage.
When We’re the Offender
Forgiveness moves in two directions. One frees us from what others have done to us; the other frees us from what we’ve done to others. In Matthew 5:23-24, Jesus turns the spotlight toward our responsibility to make things right:
“If you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled with your brother; then come and offer your gift.”
In other words, God cares as much about our relationships as our rituals. Before we lift our hands in worship, He wants us to extend them toward peace.
Steps Toward Reconciliation
For men behind bars, and for anyone who feels the weight of past wrongs, these steps can open the door to healing:
1. Name the Wound You Caused.
Bitterness hides in vagueness; so does guilt. Be honest about who you hurt and how. Confession begins with clarity.
2. Pray for a Softened Heart.
Before you reach out to anyone, bring it to God. Ask Him to replace your shame with compassion and to give you courage to face the truth.
3. Write a Letter.
If you can communicate safely, write words of confession and remorse. Take ownership without excuses. If sending isn’t possible, keep the letter as a prayer of repentance.
4. Ask God to Heal the Other Person.
You may never know how they respond, but God can still bring comfort to the one you harmed. Pray for their peace and for their freedom from the pain you caused.
5. Live Differently.
The clearest apology is a changed life. Let your repentance bear fruit in how you treat others now.
You can’t rewrite your past, but grace can rewrite your story. Reconciliation may not erase what happened, but it can restore what’s been lost (your fellowship with God, your peace of mind, and the reflection of His mercy in your life).
You’ve been reconciled to reconcile.
