Let the Mission Define the Relationship
If the mission does not define the relationship, then the relationship will determine the mission.
College is often when relationships become serious. In high school, dating can feel casual and temporary. In college, you begin to realize that the person sitting across from you at dinner could very well be the person sitting across from you for the rest of your life.
That reality should cause you to slow down and think carefully. Next to following Jesus, the most important decision you will ever make is who you marry. No other human relationship will influence your future more. Your spouse will shape your priorities, your family, your ministry, and the direction of your life for decades to come.
That is why one principle is so important: if the mission does not define the relationship, then the relationship will determine the mission.
When I talk about mission, I mean God’s purpose for your life. God did not create you merely to find someone attractive, get married, and settle into a comfortable life. He created you to know Him, serve Him, and advance His Kingdom. Every relationship in your life should support that mission, not compete with it.
God Comes First
The first relationship in the Bible was not Adam and Eve. It was Adam and God.
Before there was a marriage, there was worship. Before there was romance, there was fellowship with the Creator. Adam’s relationship with God came first, and every other relationship was designed to flow from that reality.
When God created Adam, He declared that it was “not good that the man should be alone” (Genesis 2:18). Yet before Eve was ever introduced, Adam was already walking with God. Marriage was designed to complement a relationship with God, not replace it.
The same is true for us. If your relationship with God is not your highest priority, every other relationship in your life will eventually suffer. Before you worry about finding the right person, focus on becoming the right person. Grow in your walk with Christ. Learn to treasure Him above everything else. Build your life around His mission.
Jesus said, “Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness” (Matthew 6:33). That command applies to every area of life, including dating.
Stay Single-Focused
One of the most overlooked truths about relationships is that God wants you to stay single-focused.
The Apostle Paul argued that singleness can be a tremendous advantage because it allows for “undivided devotion to the Lord” (1 Corinthians 7:35). Marriage is a gift from God, but it also brings responsibilities that single people do not yet carry. Paul’s point was not that marriage is bad. His point was that devotion to Christ must remain primary whether you are single or married.
That perspective changes how you think about dating. Instead of asking, “Do I like this person?” or “Am I attracted to this person?” the better question becomes:
Will this relationship help me follow Jesus more faithfully?
That question cuts through a lot of confusion.
The Danger of Settling
One of the greatest dangers college students face is settling.
They begin with strong convictions about the type of person they want to marry. They want someone who genuinely loves Jesus, takes Scripture seriously, and lives with integrity. Then time passes. Loneliness grows. Friends get engaged. Expectations increase. Slowly, standards begin to drop.
People settle because they are tired of waiting.
The problem is that when you settle for less than God’s best, you often pay for it for years to come.
A relationship built on attraction without spiritual alignment will eventually create tension. A relationship built on convenience rather than mission will eventually reveal cracks.
Scripture repeatedly warns believers not to bind themselves closely to those who are moving in a different spiritual direction (2 Corinthians 6:14). The wrong relationship has the power to redirect the course of your life.
That is why the goal is not merely finding someone who claims to be a Christian. The goal is finding someone who is actively pursuing Christ and whose life demonstrates it. You need someone who makes you want to love Jesus more, not someone who makes spiritual compromise easier.
Let the Mission Lead
One of the greatest examples of this principle is Lottie Moon.
She deeply loved a man named Crawford Toy and was engaged to marry him. As time passed, however, he began drifting from biblical truth and questioning the authority of Scripture. Lottie faced a difficult decision. She could either build her life around the relationship or around the mission God had given her.
She chose the mission. The decision cost her deeply, but she refused to allow a relationship to determine God’s calling on her life. Instead, she spent the rest of her life serving Christ and influencing generations through missions.
Most of us will not face a decision exactly like hers, but we will all face the temptation to put a relationship ahead of God’s purpose. Whenever that happens, we must remember that the mission comes first.
A Simple Test
If you are single, don’t treat this season like a waiting room. Use it.
Serve Christ with everything you have. Invest in people. Grow spiritually. Pursue God’s calling. Become the type of person who could one day build a godly marriage.
And if God brings someone into your life, don’t ask first whether they make you happy. Ask whether they help you follow Jesus.
- Do they encourage your faith?
- Do they strengthen your commitment to Christ?
- Do they support the mission God has given you?
If the answer is no, no amount of chemistry can compensate for that deficiency.
The right relationship is not the one that distracts you from the mission. It is the one that strengthens your commitment to it. As Paul reminded believers, whatever we do should ultimately be done for the glory of God (1 Corinthians 10:31).
If the mission does not define the relationship, then the relationship will determine the mission.
Choose wisely.
